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Sex pills like Viagra can help, but be aware that you can become dependent on them. He also says you should clip the pubic hair at the base of the penis, because pulling that on a cock ring is going to make you lose your erection FAST. James (from earlier) says “when I don’t know someone very well and I’m a bit nervous about everything, are something I fall back on.”ĭr Fox says they can be a great tool to help you hold your erection for longer, but just make sure they’re not too tight, be careful with metal ones and DO NOT USE RUBBER BANDS. So if you have issues with ED, you might want to steer clear of one night stands. Took a while to stop psyching myself out and being able to focus on other parts of sex! After a while, you relax and you can continue freely!” Often ended up quite frustrated and embarrassed. One night stands weren't really manageable for me. Lachy says “Getting to know a person before sex definitely helped with my ED. Jonathon called in saying that he’s in an open relationship, and that while he has no issues getting hard with his main partner, he struggles when he’s with new people. Try and get to know someone before you have sex with them But with practice, you can turn your focus to other things and forget about it.Ģ. I know, it’s like The Game (and sorry if I broke your 10+ year streak right now), if you try not to think about it, you’ll think about it and lose. Don’t obsess over the erection or intercourse, do other stuff insteadĭr Chris says “If we move ourselves away from the focus on getting it up and getting it in, our erections miraculously start to appear.” Focus on the outercourse, stroking, kissing, cuddling, even have a chat about something.”Īnd here are some more practical tips for getting out of your head and keeping it up. Chris says “don’t fluff an erection that’s not working. Do turn away from intercourse and try other things.Don’t just ignore the problem or dance around it.If you’re at the stage where you’re having sex, your partner clearly thinks you’re hot Don’t get angry or lash out about it, you’ll make them feel worse and that wood will never come.So if your partner struggles to get it up, some hot tips: James, 26, from Victoria has had problems with erectile dysfunction from the age of 14. The pressure to perform (and how partners can help)įor a lot of guys, getting it up is directly connected to your worth as a man, and ED is really stigmatised ('limp dick mo-fo', remember?).
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Don’t catastrophise, sometimes we find it hard to get an erection, so what? It’ll happen next time, so try not to catastrophise, just go with the flow,” Dr Chris says. “This is a normal sort of thing to happen. when you get too used to fapping a particular way that is really unlike partnered sex), drug and alcohol use, poor mental or physical health. Glad I got help!” an anonymous texter told The Hook Up.Īnd if, like Paul, you live with an anxiety disorder or are prone to depression, it can make things even harder.Īccording to sex therapist Dr Chris Fox, other contributors to ED can be porn, “idiosyncratic masturbation” (ie. “When it came to people expecting me to cum with them I always got anxious and lost my erection, so for years I just made excuses. It’s one of those classic vicious cycles. The anxiety around not being able to perform ends up feeding the anxiety that prevents you from getting hard. And because you’re anxious, it probably will. It can leave you feeling really deflated and anxious it’ll happen again. Say you’re getting hot and heavy with someone, it’s showtime but your lil mate isn’t showing up to the party. The biggest cause of ED in young people is anxiety. It’s all in your head (which means you can fix it)
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If you struggle with it, it’s time to get some help, and that’s what The Hook Up is here for. Paul says “there isn’t any need to feel shame or embarrassment. "It probably makes you more of a man, manning up and dealing with it,” Paul says.Įrectile dysfunction affects around one in five guys in their 20s. Now he says he regrets not sorting it out earlier. That stigma was so much that he used an online/Telehealth service called Pilot to get help with it, and it actually worked. “As soon as my anxiety was gone, I thought wow, if it’s that easy, I should just seek help for my sexual health but it was still really uncomfortable, the idea of going to a GP,” Paul says. He’s 31 now, and went his whole 20s without getting on top of his mental or sexual health, but after a recent break up, decided he better get some help.